b l u e s t a r

Worst year ever

Seriously. Home for one day and pain strikes again. Oldest cat, K.C., had a lump on his throat, and trouble breathing. My parents were going to take him in today, although my brother and I convinced them that he needed to get in as soon as possible, so I went with my mom yesterday to the vet with him. After the vet examined him she said it was probably cancer, but looking at whatever they got out of his lungs she said there was a chance it was Valley Fever instead, since she saw some spores, although it is really rare in cats. If that was the case he needed to be put on an anti-fungal medication and it should have gotten rid of it.

He had cancer. As if we would be lucky enough for it to be something less severe. We decided it would be best to not make him suffer and had him put down. Nine years we had him. I never expected that to happen to him, other than being a bit fat cat he's always been healthy. He had a good nine years living with us, especially considering he would have died if we hadn't found him as a kitten, but I think he would have had at least another five years to live, possibly more.

On a maybe better note, yesterday when I went over to the house Pablo looked like he was doing a bit better. His face didn't look as sullen as it had the day before. Nobody thinks he'll make it though.

Posted on Dec 18 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

Seriously?

Wow. So it was bad enough that my baby girl died. But today, when we were like ten minutes from the house after the drive up, my mom tells me that they had to put Spook down, because she couldn't walk anymore. This I wasn't completely surprised about, because she's had problems for awhile. They had been giving her aspirin daily and that seemed to help a lot, but I guess it just became too much for her. I think she was around 6 or so, young, although nowhere near as young as Peach was. We had her four years. And apparently my brother's dog Zoe hasn't been eating much. I said it's probably because of the shock from now having Spook around anymore, but I don't really know.

I'm amazed Pablo is still alive. And I'm pissed. My brother is (jokingly or not, I have no clue) taking bets on how much longer Pablo has to live. He's giving him four days. I'm not going to participate in that shit. If anything I'm hoping for a Christmas miracle. They have to exist, and if we could ever use one, it would be right now. He doesn't move much, although does walk around some, and his stomach is really swollen. They've had him on antibiotics, not sure how much they're helping though. I seem to care more for him than my brother does. I gave him a couple handfuls of food every few hours to see if he wanted to eat some, which he did. And then I brought him some water a couple times in a bowl to see if he'd drink some, which he also did. That's a good sign, he's eating and drinking, he moves around some and he's still using the bathroom. I guess when it happened to Peach she stopped eating and couldn't move or moved VERY little. Her's didn't seem to be as far along as his either, yet...so stupid.

And then there's our oldest cat, K.C. He's around 9 now, and about a month ago he developed this bump on his neck. And I guess now he has another one on his neck and then one on his head which I felt today. My parents are taking him to the vet on Friday, once they get paid. I'm hoping that it's soon enough, because you can tell he's having trouble breathing. If we lose him I'm going to have a hard time doing anything at all this winter. He was our first cat we ever had, and is our oldest. He's pretty fat, but other than that there's never been anything wrong with him. When we found him he was possibly the runtiest little kitten I have ever seen, with a bad cold and had apparently gotten into a scrape or two with some of the dogs in the neighborhood. We took him in, we nursed him back to health until he was a healthy cat. And then he grew to be a nice healthy cat, and then eventually he got fat, but he's always been a fat happy cat. I'm just hoping that it's nothing too bad, something they can fix. Because December has been a bad month. Winter in general. Five years ago in January Mickey, my dog of 15 years, had to be put down, because he wasn't eating anymore and was so thin my parents decided we needed to let him stop suffering. And then last year at the beginning of December my brother's cat Tuffy died at five years old because he apparently had an allergic reaction to whatever they had given him for his kidney problems (which he would have otherwise died from). And then Peach this year on the fifth, I don't know when they did Spook exactly, and there's a possibility for Pablo and K.C. Seriously, if there is a such thing as a miracle, it needs to happen now.

On a bit of a better (if you could call it that?) note, my brother was nice enough to take Peach's paw and make an imprint of it for me, along with some of her fur on the clay. I'm appreciative of that.

I should probably try to go to sleep again now. It's past 4AM. I tried to go to sleep at one, but then my mouth was giving me problems. So I took an ibuprofen and tried to go to sleep again. It did nothing, so I watched a couple episodes of DVRed Parks and Recreation, then the Shakugan no Shana OVA. It seems to have stopped, and the lack of sleep is starting to get to me, I can tell. I figured that even if it is painful right now the lack of sleep will eventually force me to ignore it and my body will fall asleep. I have no clue what's wrong with it. It feels like it's the top left side of my mouth. I had a cap put back there about a year and a half ago because I somehow cracked a tooth, so I thought maybe that was coming loose, but I felt back there and it's fine. I'm now starting to think that maybe it's my wisdom teeth? I don't see why it would be, especially so late, but if it is I'm in trouble. My teeth are already crowded enough as it is.

Posted on Dec 17 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

Nope, no way

Had to call it quits for tonight. I always look forward to SNL, but last week when I heard that werewolf guy was going to be hosting I was just "no way, I'll skip it, even if I have to miss Bon Jovi." Well, I decided I'd give it a chance. Nope, didn't work. The monologue sucked ass. Big freaking woop, he did a flip and then a couple of lame ass kicks at a mannequin's head that had Kanye's face on it. The only funny part of that monologue was Kenan Thompson as Reba. That digital short was hilarious, even though I had to watch it online first time because I missed the episode a couple weeks ago. He didn't even do anything in the monologue but sit there and wink or wave and he was funnier than the stupid werewolf. I don't know what his name is, it's Tayler or Taylor something or other.

You know who he reminds me of? It seems like he's almost trying to act like Justin Timberlake. Oh, except when Justin is on the show he's actually funny.

And then for the first skit, well...first off, he's playing a Oregon football player. Oregon, the school with the stupid mascot who we lost to three games ago in double overtime by three points to. And what does he do in the skit? He acts like an idiot who can't smile. Oh, so funny. Oh wait, except it isn't. Maybe I'll try to catch Bon Jovi's performances and nothing else, or I'll just skip it altogether. Might as well skip it altogether because I want to get a couple more episode of Shakugan no Shana in.

I promised myself I wouldn't start any new anime series until I was done with school, and just watch the currently airing ones I'm watching right now (a couple that will be done in a week). But seeing as my next and last final isn't until Tuesday night, and I had two finals yesterday, I decided to give myself a me day where I didn't bother with anything school related, which at this time would only consist of studying for chemistry. I really haven't done anything today, because I've gotten through 19 episodes. I probably could have gotten through more if I had started earlier, and if I hadn't of stopped to watch episode 10 of Seitokai no Ichizon, which finally came out subbed.

I really wish I could go home already. I talked to my mom last night for a few minutes and asked her how Pablo was doing. She says that they have in on the antibiotics but they're starting to be able to feel his spine, and he isn't eating too much, just some kitten chow. If the worst happens, I hope I can see him one last time. Not like with Peach. And then also regarding her, it occurred to me not too much later that I've lost almost all of my pictures of her. I never wrote about it, but my old computer that I used over the summer instead of my school one got a damn virus on it, despite having two anti virus programs on it and even though I never went on anything I didn't normally go on. No freaking clue. And then also it would keep turning off on me randomly. Having someone check it out it was because the damn power cord, right after I took the warranty sticker off because I've had the cord for a year and the sticker was peeling off mostly anyway, the wired came loose, and exposed. That apparently fried the motherboard, and I lost everything. All my documents, programs, music, and pictures. I was most upset about music at first, because I had my iTunes on there and you can't retrieve the music you lost because apparently Apple is an asshole like that, but then after getting the news I realized that I only have about 10 or so pictures of her on this computer, and they're all from last August on. All of her pictures of her as a kitten are gone. I have like two I think, because I put them on Facebook, but other than that they're all gone. It's like I almost lost all memory of my poor baby girl. Just another one of the universe's sick jokes it likes to play on me.

Posted on Dec 12 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

...

I wish that I could turn back time. Back to like, months ago, when we first found the kittens. So that I'd be able to have more time with Princess Peach, the entire summer over again. Or maybe even just back to when I told my mom I wanted her to get fixed, and see if the outcome is differently. That's what I wish for.

I don't even know how many days it's been, everything has been like a blur to me. I go to class, that's about it. My family kept trying to call me on Sunday, but I never picked up. I finally text messaged my brother telling him to tell everyone I didn't feel like talking and that I didn't blame anyone but myself. I didn't get any texts or calls Monday, except one from my dad and one from my mom at night. I sat there for like 10 minutes debating whether or not I should call her, because whenever I think of home I start to cry, because when I go home my baby girl isn't going to be there. I don't even know if Pablo is still alive or not, I didn't ask when I called. But I did call her, I had to go outside and stand in the rain because I didn't want my roommate to hear the conversation or hear me cry, which I knew I would and did. Then she called me once last night, it didn't last very long. That's all the contact I've had.

My appetite has been practically non existent the past few days. I force myself to eat something small for breakfast, then half a turkey sandwich for dinner and half for dinner. Tonight I'm going to try to eat a sweet and sour chicken healthy choice thing, it'll probably be too much.

I just need to get through finals, then I'm done for the semester. I wish I could just say done, but that's not for awhile obviously. Or maybe it's sooner than I think, at this point in time I don't know. I've also started thinking heavily if I really want to go to pharmacy school, or if I even can. I'm thinking of going back to what I wanted to do way back when, veterinary school instead, or maybe just microbiology. I enjoy microbiology. I'd make quite a bit less money than a pharmacist as a microbiologist, but if it's something I like doing then maybe it's worth it. I don't know right now. I'm uncertain about a lot of things.

I'm not sure I'm looking forward to going home or not. It's probably going to be more painful than being here, but at least I can see Rosco. I don't even want to think of what I'll be like when I lose him. I've had him for nearly six years now. It was actually around this time all those years ago that we found him and Tuffy, and it was around this time last year that Tuffy passed away because he had an allergic reaction to whatever the vet was giving him for his kidneys. He was about five. Peach was around seven or eight months old. She didn't even get to celebrate her first Christmas. I was going to get her an ID tag, since she only had a collar.

Posted on Dec 09 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

Why don't they put the info on the bottle?

I haven't really had an appetite today, so I didn't eat dinner. I haven't eaten anything this around two, and that was a packet of gummy snacks. But then just now I had a headache. I wanted to just ignore it, but I couldn't so I took an ibuprofen. I looked at the flipping bottle, it didn't say anything about to take it on a full stomach, so I took one. Then to be safe I googled to see if you are or not. Turns out yeah, it's bad to take ibuprofen on an empty stomach. It can cause bleeding and inflammation. Well, great. So then I had to get some food in me quick, so I downed a pack of gummy snacks and a couple peanut butter crackers I had at my desk. I've never had issues with ibuprofen before when I take it (which isn't very often, I don't like pills that much), and I'd be really pissed if something happens this time. It would only add to the crappiness of the day. And I wouldn't be able to go to sleep for awhile. I also learned when looking online that they put the information on the box. That's just great. Because everyone carries their bottle in the box. You'd think that would be something that would be wise to put on the bottle too.

I've been ignoring calls all day. I picked up for my dad when he gave me the news, and then for my grandma when she called to see if I was okay, but since then I haven't picked up for anyone or replied to any text messages.

I don't know if I'm going to watch SNL next week. It's that idiot who plays the werewolf dude in Twilight hosting, but Bon Jovi is the musician. Idiot werewolf guy, Bon Jovi, idiot werewolf guy, Bon Jovi...difficult to say. This week's episode is so-so. I didn't even notice Blake Lively in most of them, she's kind of just more of a side character in all of them and hasn't done anything funny. I think this season I'd have to give best episode to either Taylor Swift or Gerard Butler.

Shit. I think I was a bit too late with the food. Not completely sure though.

Posted on Dec 05 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

I hate having to be away

I hate it. I hate that I have to be 200 miles away from home to go to school. I hate how I barely never get to go home. And most of all I hate how I got to spend so little time with my baby girl Princess Peach. I've always wanted an orange cat and when we found one my parents were nice enough to let me keep her, even though I already had Rosco. She was so calm but playful at the same time. She'd lay on my lap and fall asleep, letting me pet her as she did so. She was a little pig and always sucked up to me to get some of my food when I was eating. But that's all over now. My dad just called me a few minutes ago to tell me that she passed away. I couldn't hear everything he was saying because he was crying too, but they took her to the vet, I guess she stopped eating or something. I couldn't really understand him. I got to spend about two months with her over the summer, and then I had to come to school. I've seen her about a week since I've come to school. It's been less than a week since I last saw her when I was home, but now when I go home for winter break I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to go over to the house, with her not there. It was about this time last year that Tuffy died, and I couldn't go into the house without being on the verge of tears. He wasn't even my cat, he was my brother's. But Peach was mine, I loved her so much.

I swear I wish I could sue that damn place we got her fixed at. I swear it's their fault. After she got back from there she seemed a lot different. She barely did anything. And she started to get a bit fat. Not normal fat how cats do when they get fixed, she looked like she was pregnant almost, her belly was shaped weird. She was a really small cat in general. It wasn't just her either. My brother's cat, Pablo, got fixed there too, and he's having a similar thing with his stomach. I asked my dad about Pablo and I think he said he was in the vet right now, I couldn't really understand. I just hope he's okay, there's no way I'm going to be able to do anything if he dies too.

I can't stop crying. I was studying, but I can't even do that anymore. I wish my roommate wasn't here right now so I could just cry.

RIP Princess Peach. I had you so such a short amount of time, but I loved you so much.

The last picture I ever took of her. I wish I had taken more.

EDIT: They took Pablo in, apparently he has Feline infectious peritonitis. The vet gave them some antibiotics to give him, but it's almost always fatal. So now there's a slim chance of him actually surviving.

I swear it has to be that damn spay and neuter clinic that did this to both of them. They're the only two cats of the younger one's who we got fixed, both at the same place. If that was the case, I hate myself so much right now. Pablo had to get neutered, he was the only male of all the kittens and he needed to be, but Peach could have waited. I wanted to get her done because it's better for them, but I might have condemned my cat to death.

Posted on Dec 05 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

So sleepy...

I'm merely writing this because I haven't updated in awhile. After this I'll probably end up going to bed, even though it's barely past nine. I'm just so damn tired. This entire week has sucked ass. I've been super busy, with non stop homework and meeting with groups for different classes to work on projects when I'm not in class. Today I barely had time to eat lunch or dinner. I got four hours of sleep last night. Perhaps for some people that's enough to function, but I can't even function that well off of six hours of sleep. Four and I thought I was going to fall asleep while riding my bike to class a few times. I nearly fell asleep in my INDV, which hasn't ever happened before. I don't know why, but for some reason I was feeling extreme hatred towards that class. I don't like it in general, but the hateful feeling that was surging through me today hasn't ever happened.

Chemistry has officially confused me. First, in lab (the last lab of the semester, may I add, and hopefully the last of my gen chem career) the tests we took a few weeks ago were given back. The one that was all free response, that I forgot by calculator and had to do as much as I could which in reality was very little by hand. I got a 53 on it. Lower than my other grades, although not by much. However, what pisses me off about this is that if I hadn't forgotten my calculator, that F would have been a very high C, possibly even a B, I haven't full calculated it yet. Those 53 points were from two answers that I could do with very simple math and all the work I did. It could have been a chance to help me not fail the class. Then he handed back our lab reports for the last regular lab we did. I got an 84 on it. I don't know how this happened. It was possibly one of the most confusing labs for me, I completely BSed the report, yet got one of the highest grades I've gotten all semester on my lab reports. Then we took the final in there, luckily only written, no practical. Not sure how well I did, I'm going to say C. Maybe B, I don't know. I'd go with C though, because a couple of the answers I really BSed just so I could get something down. And then we had to do locker check out, and both my 150mL beakers were missing. This was initially understandable, because my group just pulls crap out of our lockers during the labs, and would just throw whatever back in to our lockers, to give everything back to who it belonged to at the end of the semester. Well, one of my lab partners had my 150mL beakers, but the stupid lab people put them up on the island between the benches to be claimed by whoever needed them. I know they were mine, because that's all I was missing. However, after looking around I couldn't find them. Someone else had taken them, probably because they had dropped and broken their own (which happened quite a few times this semester). So I ended up having six dollars charged to my bursars for the two beakers. Just great.

I don't think I ever wrote it here, but I finished NaNoWriMo. At first I didn't think I was going to, because once Thanksgiving break came along I didn't get that much time on the computer, but the 29th I worked my ass off to get back on track. I think I wrote nearly 4000 words if not a bit more that day, and then I had less than 1000 to write on the 30th. I finished with 51002 as my final word count. Of course, I'm not done with the story, nowhere near finished, but that's going to have to wait. I need to focus on school right now, like badly. In less than two weeks I'll be home for my month long winter break.

I can't think well right now...I'm going to brush my teeth then to bed. Luckily I don't have class until 11 tomorrow, so I can sleep in some. How I miss sleeping in, even though I think I might have slept in a bit on Tuesday, I can't remember.

Posted on Dec 03 2009 by Amber + 0 Comments

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